Why Running Is Stupid And No One Should Do It

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Once you reach a certain age, it makes absolutely no sense to run.

What do you have to gain? What are you trying to prove? Is this really the mark of fitness you’re going for?

Plus, you get in the way, especially because runners tend to hunt in packs. It makes it a real pain to try and drive past you through a winding backroad.

So, here are just a few reasons why running is awful and should be outlawed immediately.

Public Stretching

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It’s inevitable. Whether it’s before you start your trot or when you get that first cramp, you’re going to have to stretch in public, and it will be awful. Either you’re going to overdo it (and yes we’ll all see you) or even worse, you’ll rush it, trying to get out of the crosshairs of catcalls or worse, silent judgment.

Group Running

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If there’s one thing that’s worse than one runner, it’s a whole group of them. They’ll either completely take over the sidewalk, or spill out into the road where they play by their own rules. Red light? Well, we can’t get split up. Narrow road ahead? Better form a protective line so no one can get past.

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A Serious Lack Of Bathrooms

KKTV 11

When you’re just casually running and nature calls… you’re pretty much at the mercy of the elements. So if you have to squat down in a family neighborhood like this jogger, dubbed “The Mad Pooper”, well, you squat. Squats are also good for building up leg muscle, so there’s that.

Chafing

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This isn’t a problem unique to running, but seriously, it’s awful. Even with all these modern innovations with athletic clothing technology, chafing is still the number one issue affecting nipples everywhere. Who needs that? 

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